Archive for the ‘wellness’ Category

“Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible.”

― Thích Nhất HạnhGoing Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers


Photo Courtesy Ed Ogle

Everything changes.

Between my 31st and 34th year, my grandmother, father, sister, two uncles, aunt, landlady and her daughter (both good friends) died.  My father and sister were the closest people to me at that time in my life.

I mourned and remembered my pain was impermanent.   For over a year, I meditated one and half hours every day, turned off all sources of media, went to graduate school and let go of relationships that weren’t serving me.

I landed on my feet with a new diploma, a new and more exciting career, new boyfriend and a profound respect for the fragility of life.

Change is also subtle. Look at a picture of yourself fifteen years ago.  You look different today yet, on a daily basis, you can’t see the subtle changes happening in your body.

Look at your relationships with your siblings, spouses, and children.  They change constantly and subtly.

A friend is upset about a conflict they are having with their significant other.  We talk about it.

A week later I call them to make sure they are OK and ask “How is everything?”

They respond “Great!”

Frequently, they can’t even remember why they were upset when we talked a week ago.

Everything changes.

Mindful Love Exercise Saturday and Sunday Sit for five minutes each day.  What happened over the last twenty four hours that made you uncomfortable?  How long did that feeling of discomfort last? If it feels like a vice on your brain or like a magnet with iron, release it. Let it go.  All feelings are transient.



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In the darkness of our lives flower some of our most important values.  I know when I lost 6 close relatives and 2 friends over a period of 3 years, my inner values morphed into a whole new and wonderful rudder to steer my life.  Trivialities became trivialities, humor softened the blow of loss and helped cement closeness with those left behind.  My new and unquenchable thirst to be present and feel the breeze on my cheeks and the soil under my feet propelled me forward, to never look back.

Do you know what your inner values are?  If you do, can people around you know what they are by your actions?  When we make decisions based on our values, our step becomes lighter, our voice softer, our ears bigger and our heart is more open.  Take some time and write your  values.  Do it now, live life fully and be true to yourself.

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When you make a mistake do you “beat yourself up” or do you have compassion for your humanness?  Continual focusing on how bad or stupid etc. you are only leads to self-absorption.  Focusing on the solution without judgement leads to compassion for yourself and others.

Consider doing this great exercise every night before you go to bed at night;  Ask yourself what you did well today and ask yourself what you didn’t do well and how you can improve on it tomorrow.  No judgement, no right or wrong.

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Talk about situations and people without adjectives.  We often distort the truth with exaggerations.  For example, one might say “I don’t always agree with my boss” instead of   “I have the worst boss in the world.”

Ask yourself – Am I being dramatic, telling a story, or simply offering information?

Reflect at the end of the day on someone you know who speaks factually without adding “always, never, soooo…”   How does their speech affect your relationship with them?

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